Epic Mickey

Ah Disney.

The beatiful and majestic world of Disney has had it's share of spooks, such as Monstro from Pinnochio, Maleficent from Sleeping Beauty and Chernabog from Fantasia. And Kingdom Hearts has showed us a more kickass side to it, turning their mouse mascot into a kickass king.

And with films such as Pirates of the Caribbean, you can bet we've come to see them as more than just kids stuff. And I'll tell you, when I heard about Epic Mickey, it sounded cool. A spooky version of Disney's classics with high themes of Steampunk sounds awesome. I mean, seriously, I'd love to see a pair of Disney steampunk robots duke it out. It sounds awesome...then I saw the concept art...Oh god did I see the concept art.




As you can see...this his f*cking demonic. No, scratch that, it's f*cking Eldritch! It should not be. Oh god, did you see that...thing? It had Goofy's head, and Jafar's face on it's chest...oh good god. I like Steampunk and I think Post Apocolyptic stories can work, but this? What have they done? This is psychotic. This isn't some literary classic where you can havce it like this...

Then twist it into this...


That's fine, you can do that with classic works of that kind. Why? Because it is actually intended to be mystical and eerie, in a way that can be enjoyed by everyone, and thus can be twisted into something strange. This sort of thing thing that we are seeing here today would more likley be subject to pardoy! But an official piece of Disney? You cannot be serious!

Warren Spector, the man behind the project, had this to say.
Warren Spector: "I really want to scare kids. I want to go to Disneyland and see a 10 year old kid crying: "Oh mommy, the clock tower's going to come to life and eat me!" That's my fondest dream. Disney scared the pants off me when I was a little kid. Disney needs to scare kids!"

...That is not okay. Disney has a history of Nightmare Fuel and it's not really that bad that someone would integrate something scary into this sort of thing, but not only is the entire game this way, but let me tell you now, there is a big f*cking difference between scary kids, and ruining childhoods. You think this won't affect any kid who watches Mickey Mouse cartoons? This will destroy them! Oh good god will it destroy them. Warren Spector, you are creative and I'm sure you are a nice guy, but somewhere inside you is a shred of evil sent from the bowels of hell with intent to destroy the souls of children everywhere and make them fresh crop for the apocolypse!

Okay, maybe that's a bit much, but seriously, this stuff isn't right. Mickey Mouse isn't supposed to be horrifying. The project is supposed to make him somewhat more mischevious, as he was in the old days, but must you bring in these Eldritch Abominations in to do so?

Having said all that, I'll probably play the game at my friend Blake's, as I have no Wii Console of my own, when it comes out, it does look interesting. I just...look at them! They should not be! They look more like freakish the sort of freakish fanart I usually try to avoid because it's freakish and weird. And your actually going to sell it to kids? Damn.