Where are me?

Hi, your probably wondering why I haven't posted in a while...no? Well, I'll tell you anyway. This week I am doing work experience at the comic store, so I've been just a little tired and unable to write any posts. I could write them, but I'm also lazy.

So, to make up for it, here's a random picture.

Crowning Moment of Awesome: Big Barda vs. Dragon.

In a recent issue of Booster Gold, Booster has gone back in time to deal with a recently revived Maxwel Lord, the man who helped fund the Justice League for a while, and killed Booster's best friend Ted Kord, the second Blue Beetle. However, his progress in said mission is stinted when he runs into Ted, and can't help but get swept up in a mission so that they can hang out. To help in said mission, the two recruit Mister Miracle and his wife Big Barda (but only on the grounds that only a lunatic would put the worlds fate in Blue and Gold's hands).

After going back further in time, the team are surprised to be attacked by a giant freaking dragon. Blue and Gold do their best not to get toasted or squished, while Miracle tries to figure out a strategy to use the beasts weight against it. Barda however asks, "What's all the fuss about it's just a dragon." Of course she is met from Booster with, "What do you mean it's just a dragon? What, you think you can just walk in and punch it?"

The answer, is yes.

Also, is it true that Barda was killed off recently? What a load of crap. The first time I see her awesomeness, and now she's dead. That's just great. Stupid time travel confusion.

Villain Spot: Teatime.

The main antagonist of Terry Pratchet's Discworld novel (and live action adaption), The Hogfather. Teatime longs to join the Assassin's Guild, but tends to botch his own jobs due to his No Kill Like Overkill attitude. When a mysterious spectre appears and gives the Guild an interesting assignment, Teatime is the only man for the job. The mission? Kill the Discworld variant of Santa Clause (The Hogfather).

Teatime naturally gives off a sense of unsettlement. Perhaps its the way he merilessly slaughters his victims, or the way he talks, or perhaps its that you get the (fully justified) feeling that he is going to kill you the minute you utter his name as 'Tea Time' as ipposed to it's correct pronounciation, 'Teh-A-Time-Eh."

Teatime's plan involves storming the Tooth Fairy's palace with a rag tag bunch of petty criminals, a locksmith, and an ameteur wizard. He then manipulates the very belief of the Hogfather to remove him from existance and allow the Auditors (aforementioned spectre) to do evulz, and for people to create brand new mythical creatures from mere words (God of Hangovers anyone?). It takes the intervention of the Grim Reaper himself, his Grandaughter, and the greatest wizards in the world to stop him, but fortunately Teatime's plan is foiled, Hogswatch and by extension, The Discworld is saved.

In case you haven't got the idea yet, Lord Downey, the leader of the Assassin's Guild, a Guild based around ASSASSINATIONS felt very uncomfortable about him. This man felt very comfortable being approached by what could have been a murderous ghost, yet Teatime is clearly just a bit too much.

He can also do a Double Jump!

In the TV movie, Teatime was played by Marc Warren, heavily channeling Johnny Depp as Willy Wonka. The result, is terrifying.

Buses.

Yesturday I went to the comic store. This month's haul was rather good, and I have branched out slightly, probably allowing for some more reviews. However, I must say that getting there was not as fun.

Why is it that every single time I try to catch a bus, it is never on time? No, scratch that, why don't the goddamn buses show up? Yesturday, I was waiting for a bus that was supposed to arrive at about 9:46, it was around 9:32, so I only had fourteen minutes to wait. Cool.

FORTY MINUTES LATER! I am STILL waiting. Good lord I was pissed. So, I decided I'd walk into town to get to the train, because I knew I'd get there before the damn bus. Then it started to rain. Eventually, I got halfway to town when the bus finally showed up. I was happy to ride the rest of the way, but good lord did I want to murder the driver!

This isn't the first time either, I constantly have to wait whenever I need a bus. But 'Oh!' you say, 'Your a stupid little whiner, everyone has to wait for the bus.' That's true, but I'd at least like for the goddamn signs to not lie to my frickin' face! The bus will be here at 8:20 it says, I've been waiting here since 8:00 and it is currently 8: 45. Even worse, according to the sign it says several buses should have gone by at this point, when I'm starting to wonder if all those times I saw buses were hallucinations and that much like stars in most recent season final of Dr. Who, some cosmic event wiped them from history altogethor.

I have never had a problem with buses until I started having to use them semi regularly. Why do they take such sadistic pleasure in forcing people to wait for as long as possible before finally letting them out of the cold and into their travels, and why is it that the bus stop near my house seemingly has stolen Batman's Shark Repellent and switched it to the Bus setting?

I tell you, if there was a bus Transformer, it would be the gayest, stupidest and lamest Transformer in the entire franchise. It would be so lame that if it were an Autobot, Optimus Prime would switch sides so he could murder him.

I hate buses. I HATE them. I HATE HATE HATE HATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEGODDAMMITHATEBUSES!

I am going so far as to say I am racist towards buses. That's right, people I don't have a problem with, its buses that manage to induce anger in me for being what they are. I am a goddamn bus bigot! F*CK YOU, BUSES!






...Okay, maybe that was a bit harsh.

Awesome Covers: Amazing Spider-Man Spider-Man 632

This cover isn't particulerly well drawn or impressively thought out (better than anything I could do, but that's not saying much). However, it features a concept so odd that you can't help but be intrigued and pick up the book, 'Spider-Man turning into The Lizard.' This is the sort of thing I love about comic books and the sort of cover I love.

As for the storyline inside, we are unfortunately not treated to the Reptilarachnid featured on the cover. Luckily the story is quite well written, features an art style I can finally enjoy, and is surprisingly brutal. 'Ha, how brutal can Spider-Man possibly be?' Well I'll tell you...The Lizard kills Conners son. Pre teen son.
Much like Savage Dragon 160, this is one of few comics to actually get a true emotional reaction from me.

I hate it when children die in any media. It's slightly better if its offscreen and we get a discretion shot, but I'm still not a fan. In this case, we were given the discretion shot, so things aren't too bad. It has also made me genuinely want Spider-Man to beat the shit out of Lizard. Here's hoping the story concludes as such.

The Hilarity of Jon Peters.

There was once a man named Jon Peters who made movies. This man wasn't necessarily bad at his job, but neither was he the best. The world of Superheroes eventually came to the movie makers door, Superman, to be specific. Though many find Superman to be a boring character who has outlived himself, the truth is that he stands beside Batman as the literal king of Comic Books.

Peters would work with Kevin Smith to create the movie. He told Smith to include a scene where Superman fought a giant robot spider, something I personally think would be cool. However, as it turns out, Mr. Peters was not at all good at making a Superman film. He requested that Lex Luther own a space dog which would sell the film to kids, give Brainiac a gay robot sidekick, and have the popular villain fight a pair of Polar Bears. He then decided that he also didn't want Superman to wear a costume, and chose Sean Pean as a suitable actor because he knew he could portray a ruthless killer very well. Oh, and he wasn't allowed to fly.

In other words, Jon Peters should never be allowed to make any more movies. Yet, for some reason they let him work on Superman Returns...that explains a lot.

Now, I have a lot of unhealthy obsessions, but when you try to put a giant spider into every film you ever make, I foresee a problem. He tried to do this with The Sandman.

Sideburns Speculates: Fallout and Watchmen.

Okay, this isn't actually Sideburns speculating at all. This is some Wild Mass Guessing I found on TV Tropes that I felt to be rather interesting:

"It's a reality where Veidt's plan was thwarted/failed/exposed afterwards by Rorschach's journal, and war came. Vault-Tech one of Veidt's competitors/subsidaries, developed the Vault's as backup in case the initial plan failed. All the uber-tech is either courtesy of Veidt, or reverse-engineered by the government from Drieburg's abandoned Owl-Nest- note that he had laser weaponry and (abeit, a faulty prototype of) powered armour, both of which are ubiqitous amongst Fallout's more tech-savvy factions. The mutants, and indeed FEV, are part of a failed attempt to recreate Dr Manhattan, the most successfull, albeit still failed attempt being The Master from Fallout 1. The Mechanist and the Antagoniser are simply a small-scale repeat of the same social abberation/fad that lead to the existence of costumed heroes before the war."

But, why would I post something like that here? I don't post EVERYTHING I think is cool on my blog. Well there was a comment underneath that I think justified the sheer geekiness of the idea.

•"The accumulated rads of all their dirty water and sugar bombs will foam up around their waist and all the mutants and Megaton Settlers will look up and shout 'Save us!' ... and I'll look down and whisper 'Tunnel Snakes Rule.'"

Scott Pilgrim vs. The World.

"An epic of epic epicness." Understatement of the century.

What is there to say about Scott Pilgrim? It's adapted from a few graphic novels which I haven't read and is apparently uber popular. After seeing the film, what is my conclusion?


This is not a film. It is Epic chopped up and reassembled into the form of a film reel. The first thing you see is the Universal Studios logo rendered 8-Bit, and it just gets better from there.

Okay, here's the story. 22 year old Scott (Michael Cera) is in a band called the Sex Bob-Ombs, and they've entered in the battle of the bands. Scott is still getting over his ex, the lead singer of the most popular band around, Clash of Demonhead, who dumped him brutally. To get over the break up, Scott is going out with Knives, a 17 year old chinese student. However, he soon sets his sights on Ramona Flowers, a hardcore girl who skates a lot and likes to dye her hair. Though at first she acts exactly how you'd expect someone to react when hit on by Michael Cera, awkward. But eventually he manages to win her favor. However, unbeknownst to Scott, Ramona has a bit of a history in the realm of dating, and to finally be with her, he will have to combat her seven evil ex lovers.

The film essentially takes place within a video game. When Scott defeats an ex, they burst into a pile of coins and high scores, and towards the end, Scott admits his undying love for Ramona, and earns The Power of Heart.
Yes, except in this case, the Power of Heart is a flaming sword that explodes people. Suck on that Gaia.
It's definately somewhat of a Big Lipped Alligator Movie. At one point the film inexplicibly turns into Seinfeld, complete with laughtrack. I might wonder why Scott apparently gets away with murdering about seven people, but the film's atmosphere tells you, "The due just defeated a floaty pirate guy with a hoard of demon chicks using a a drum. Shut up, your enjoying this."

Michael Cera is known for acting very similar in each of his roles, that being rather awkward. Fortunately for me, I like the way he acts. This film also allows him to be a little bit more awesome. He's still very much awkward, but there are a number of moments where he certainly dosn't come across as Paulie Bleaker. Speaking of which, I kept expecting Ellen Page to show up and help him kick ass, but sadly we were not given such pleasure.

This is definately one of my favorite films now, and it was definately worth the wait. It is a film that sort of goes on the logic of an internet review sight, that being 'very little.' I could easily see the Nostalgia Critic joining in with one of the frays in this film.

I have only two complaints, and one of them isn't even a real complaint.

1-Ramona is kickass throughout the entire film, she's as awesome as they imply, so it hurts to see her chickified towards the end. She gets punched several times, then kicked down the stairs. The fact that it was this character made that very hard to watch.

2-This should have been in 3D. It would definately have worked. There were so many moments that I felt would have looked great. In a time when 3D is sprinkled on anything just to increase sales, it saddens me that a film begging for 3D goes without.

That's it. The rest of the film is fine. It has everything. Video game injokes, action, romance, fanservice, lesbians, vegans, vegan police, giant monster fight, flaming swords, Michael Cera, Pee Meter, ninjas, EVERYTHING! GO SEE SCOTT PILGRIM!!!!

Now, if you excuse me, I'm going to write Scott Pilgrim and Juno vs. The Universe.

Mental Covers: Inkblot

The death of a well known inventor and scientist garners the deserving attention of the superhero Captain Mental. But the case cannot be solved by him alone, he requires help in the form of Inkplot, the paranoid schizophrenic detective.

I used to draw a comic featuring me and my friend Ray, but I ran out of room to post it on Flickr, so I stopped. One joke Ray had a particuler liking for was a mad scientist who killed himself after spending several years inventing an item identical to a television.

I also had the idea for a comic starring a Rorscach expy named Inkplot, inwhich the hero is hired to investigate the attempted murder of famed superheroine, The Cape. I feel it was pretty good, but Inkblot eventually lost my interest. I decided to merge the two for this cover.

Funny Spoony Tweet.

I'm only quite new to the world of Twitter, but I rather like following the likes of Spoony, Linkara and Nostalgia Chick. Today I added Yahtzee of Zero Puncutation to that list. Why? Thanks to this quote from the Spoony One.

"I had a dream @YahtzeeCroshaw and I battled to the death with Scottish claymores atop an erupting volcano. I now know how I am fated to die."

I will be there when this happens.

Crowning Moment of Awesome: Mystery Science Theatre 3000.

In one episode, the bots notice a character in the film looks a bit too much like a certain singer, and end up Rickrolling the audience, about a decade before the Rickroll was even invented! That takes skill!

The Wisdom of Kirkman.

A while ago I dispensed some information about the comic book Invincible written by Robert Kirkman. Since then I have read about two issues of the series. Not because I grew bored of it, but because the comic store is always freaking sold out! You may also know that the comic book business has recently been considered a dying industry, movies, TV, the internet and small handheld devices starting with the letter I taking there place.

Companies obviously aren't very happy about this, remembering the days when kids would rush out from school to the comic store to read the adventures of whatever nut in a costume they had thought up this week. Obviously comics aren't only for kids any more, and a good majority of them are definately a no go for that anyway. But still, technically kids could still go out and read them if their parents said yes. So why aren't they? Well, Robert Kirkman sums it up in one sentence:

"When I was reading comics when I was 15, Superman didn't deal with rape so much, you know?"

He has a whole monologue on the subject. If you want to read it, check it out here: http://robot6.comicbookresources.com/2010/08/quote-of-the-day-robert-kirkman-on-darker-elements-in-superhero-comics/

I'll admit, in a few regards he's wrong, but some of the comments on this thing are just stupid. Like DrunkJack, I don't think he read it right.

Villain Spotlight: Doc/Omega/O'Malley

The universe is full of many threats, the Covenent, the Flood, but one stands above the rest...because it is purple.

Doc is a very polite pacifist medic who has joined both sides of the Civil War to show just how much of a pacifist he is. However, once he gets to Blood Gulch, something strange happens. A loud, cackling voice in his head, the AI known as O'Malley (Omega).

Doc finds himself involuntarily blowing up soldiers and sabotaging their equipment, as well as cackling over how many people he is going to kill. Fortunately, Doc dosn't feel too bad about the intrusion and looks forward to spreading word of his neautralness once he is in control of the world, much to O'Malley's annoyance.

O'Malley eventually left Doc's body and gained several new bodies, and collaborated on the ways of evil with an alien, but his status as Arch Enemy to the Reds and the Blues will have to wait, as The Meta seems to be enjoying that role.

*It should be noted I haven't really seen past Blood Gulch Chronicles, and thus, O'Malley's status past there is mostly unknown to me, though I understand the Meta 'absorbed' him during his tenure as focus of the story.*