Single Paragraph Film Reviews

Hey, I ain't dead. Yeah, I have bareluy typed a post all year, but, when if I had regular visitors, maybe I'd have some motivation.

Just to make up for some time, here's my opinion on some films. Not that I'm going to be moving at the same speed as before, but I'll hopefully at least try for one update a month if I can find the time. And become less lazy.

Green Hornet.


This film is good. Both main characters are fun, but Kato steals the show like he did back in the 60's TV show. The film doesn't do much in terms of originality, but it takes what it has and uses them excellently. It's also damn funny.

Paul.


Edgar Wright is my new favourite director, having given us Hot Fuzz, Scott Pilgirm, and now this. Out of the 'Pegg-Frost' trilogy, this is probably the weakest, but since Hot Fuzz and Shaun of the Dead were damn brilliant, this is a very good film. Paul is a hilarious character, voiced by the awesomtastic Seth Rogen, and the simplistic storyline is used brilliantly. Also, the moments of geekiness such as the comicon scenes made me feel like this film was made specifically to impress me. And it worked.

Sucker Punch.


This film upsets me. For the first hour, it is an okay film with INSANELY good action sequences that literally have you laughing over how ridiculously good of a time your having. And then, BAM, it's like the director realised that he wanted to make a different sort of film and made us sit through this insanely depressing climax. Apparently this was his intention, but no, as a consumer, I reject your metaphors and hidden meanings and demand a proper ending!

Seeing how this film goes into some pretty powerful mindscrew territory, it is safe to say that you're free to believe whatever you want. Nobody actually dies and relationships aren't as close as they might seem. But when you make a film that has the main theme of 'A bunch of women kicking ass in insane sequences' you have an ending that mmakes you want to get up and punch the screen into dust.

Unlike most critics, I say this is a good film, but it has one of the most bullshit endings in history. This was on my top favourite films ever list for a while before I saw the ending.

Thor.


I was very worried about Thor. It looked like it was going to be rather campy, and the early moments in the film didn't help. However, I was delighted to find that the film is actually pretty good, taking the opposite train as my usual perception of bad films. They usually start out promising and go down hill with stupid, but this one found a good level and stuck to it, though its far from perfect. I only ever felt the badass action I felt in Iron Man 1 at the beginning, the rest of the action seemed to have less impact. But otherwise, a good film.

Scott Pilgrim.


Yep, still fucking badass.

Wait, What?

This is weird. A while ago Marvel released some comics which showcased some stories which readers could vote on and recieve a full one-shot of. There was two, but I only saw one, and that included stories involving Luke Cage vs. Politics, some girl who fights monsters and a story about the Daughter of Galactus. Being the most absurd of the three, Galacta: Daughter of Galactus, won.

Basically she s like the complete opposite of her father. While she does hunger to devour our planet, she instead decides to help protect us from the things that would destroy us regardless of what the superheroes did, and consume evil alien energies and lifeforms. She ends up with a 'cosmic tapeworm' and must ask her father for help so that she does not give into her hunger and destroy us. The book is repetetive, constantly having her repeat how much unlike her father she is in her narration, as well as how insanley hungry she is, and you will get a little tired of all the text, nevertheless it's funny enough to call a good read. And even when the Cosmic G (The Big G being Godzilla you see) he has a dominating presence regardless of the humour cast upon him throughout the rest of the story. Plus we get to see snippets of Galacta's Facebook, so that's funny. You can even visit her Twitter page.

But here's the strange bit. At one point she gets the ingenius idea to take Wolverine's healing factory and augment it into a whole planet (sort of like Ego, the Living Planet) so that she and her father can consume it for millenia and millenia without harming any one. However, this dosn't work out due to cosmic genetics or some other technobabble. The weird bit? The planet looks like Wolverine and even has the same hair and sideburns. She proceeds to christen it Sideburn, the Regenerating Planet (I think). Okay, the shorter version of my moniker is simply Sideburns or Sideburn, which is weird, and I have two female characters who are big eaters, and here we have a colossal woman who want to eat a planet named Sideburn. That is like the biggest coincedence I have ever seen! I mean, damn! I've considered myself prone to coincedence, but that's a bit of a stretch, don't you think? There is no way this is not coming up in my future work. It wouldn't really be that big of a deal if one of those big eaters wasn't Captain Mental's girlfriend.

Next, we just need a character to be named Ned, and have him dress in hoodies and have trouble finishing what he starts. Or have a guy named Robert whose incredibly sarcastic, cynical, and is physically incapable of continuing his novel. Okay, those wouldn't be as funny, but you get the idea.

Also, it's kinda funny to hear how delicious she thinks characters like Thor would be. And apparently Galactus is a pretty good guy, as when Richards was threatening the Cosmic G with the Ultimate Nullifier, the safety was on.