Wait, What?

This is weird. A while ago Marvel released some comics which showcased some stories which readers could vote on and recieve a full one-shot of. There was two, but I only saw one, and that included stories involving Luke Cage vs. Politics, some girl who fights monsters and a story about the Daughter of Galactus. Being the most absurd of the three, Galacta: Daughter of Galactus, won.

Basically she s like the complete opposite of her father. While she does hunger to devour our planet, she instead decides to help protect us from the things that would destroy us regardless of what the superheroes did, and consume evil alien energies and lifeforms. She ends up with a 'cosmic tapeworm' and must ask her father for help so that she does not give into her hunger and destroy us. The book is repetetive, constantly having her repeat how much unlike her father she is in her narration, as well as how insanley hungry she is, and you will get a little tired of all the text, nevertheless it's funny enough to call a good read. And even when the Cosmic G (The Big G being Godzilla you see) he has a dominating presence regardless of the humour cast upon him throughout the rest of the story. Plus we get to see snippets of Galacta's Facebook, so that's funny. You can even visit her Twitter page.

But here's the strange bit. At one point she gets the ingenius idea to take Wolverine's healing factory and augment it into a whole planet (sort of like Ego, the Living Planet) so that she and her father can consume it for millenia and millenia without harming any one. However, this dosn't work out due to cosmic genetics or some other technobabble. The weird bit? The planet looks like Wolverine and even has the same hair and sideburns. She proceeds to christen it Sideburn, the Regenerating Planet (I think). Okay, the shorter version of my moniker is simply Sideburns or Sideburn, which is weird, and I have two female characters who are big eaters, and here we have a colossal woman who want to eat a planet named Sideburn. That is like the biggest coincedence I have ever seen! I mean, damn! I've considered myself prone to coincedence, but that's a bit of a stretch, don't you think? There is no way this is not coming up in my future work. It wouldn't really be that big of a deal if one of those big eaters wasn't Captain Mental's girlfriend.

Next, we just need a character to be named Ned, and have him dress in hoodies and have trouble finishing what he starts. Or have a guy named Robert whose incredibly sarcastic, cynical, and is physically incapable of continuing his novel. Okay, those wouldn't be as funny, but you get the idea.

Also, it's kinda funny to hear how delicious she thinks characters like Thor would be. And apparently Galactus is a pretty good guy, as when Richards was threatening the Cosmic G with the Ultimate Nullifier, the safety was on.

Good Things about Adequate Stuff.

Yes, I know I haven't really done this segment enough to start twisting it around, but meh.

After X-Men was released, Spider-Man proved to be about as much of a success, if not more. Then of course came Hulk. While I think the psychological take on the character was a good idea, I don't think that's what people wanted out of a film based on a creature who spends half his time crushing cities with his bare hands. That and Hulk looked a bit like Shrek. Daredevil was also pretty lackluster. The fighting was good, and I liked the was Kingpin and Bullseye were done, and the blind joke at the beginning was kinda funny, but on a whole, it wasn't very good. Then came Fantastic Four. Out of all these superhero films, this one was the one destined to succeed!

It didn't.

The film suffered from poorly done science, bland or even bad acting, a medium lack of action, and seemed a bit rushed in the storyline department. It wasn't a massive bomb, but people were still a little bit irritated. If you ask me, the sequel, Rise of the Silver Surfer, was worse, not because of sheer badness, but because it was just too slow, lacked a lot of action and suffered from a number of similar problems.

But hey, like I said, the film wasn't THAT bad, so I'm going to tell you my personal points as to why.

1. Michael Chicklis as Ben Grimm/The Thing.
Ioan Gruffudd was kinda bland in his portrayel of Mr. Fantastic, but I can't really say I could've done any better, or even that I would know where to begin. But then we get my second favorite of the FF, The Thing, portrayed by Michael Chicklis. He was great. It was easy to like the character with or without the mutations. Even though he gets all rocky less than twenty or so minutes into the film, you've already known him long enough to sympathise once his fiance runs away from him in fear. It's also a good sign for him when Stan Lee named him as his favorite actor to portray one of his creations, Suck it, Maguire!

2. Dr. Doom.
To start off, Julian did not do a good job as Doom. He didn't do a god awful job, but he didn't do a good one either. He still seems Affably Evil, but that voice is just so non threatening that it's insane! Also he dosn't exactly have much in common with his comic book counterpart. But here's the good thing about that, he LOOKS awesome. There is no other way to portray Doom on screen other than this look, he looks like he just stepped out of the comic and is ready to pwn the world. He also has that nifty new electrical ability. Now I know you're probably saying, "Giving Doctor Doom powers is a disgrace to the comics!" Well how else were they going to make him a good villain for a film like this? Is he supposed to just pull out a hi-tech machine gun? He's be defeated in minutes. The only way to make him a decent adversary for the FF was to give him a proper super power. Just be glad they didn't do something really stupid like turn him into an evil Superman clone. And to fix his character in any rereleases of the film (Cos you know, the future might not realise it was bad) all they need to do his give him an electrinuc sound effect over his voice and he'll actually seem menacing. It's a shame that he could've been pretty much removed from Rise of the Silver Surfer all togethor. I know he was important plot wise, but I don't care, take him out and it's the same film. He was really just an excuse for a fight scene.

3. Victor's Romantic Gesture.
You've gotta admit, 'giving' someone the entire world beneath their feet is both romantic and Epic. That makes it Epicly Romantic. I actually feel a little annoyed that it all went sour from there.

4. It's Clobbering Time.
Yes it's small, but any fan of the FF must have squeled with delight the moment Chicklis let loose with that phrase. It does a good job of reinforcing my earlier stated opinion on his performance, as it dosn't even seem forced (well it mightm but with that gruff Thing voice, it's hard to tell). I'm not sure how him seeing the action figure that says the catchphrase before dimished the awesome or just prepared us for it.

5. Half of anything the Thing does.
This should be really, 'How Thing made the F4 Movie work.' The Thing is definatley my favorite character in the team, especially in this incarnation. To prove a point, he crushed Johnny's car into a ball. While angry, he smashes an action figure of himself, and manages to make saying 'Don't do drugs' really unsettling. That, and he probably gets the most action in the movie.

6. Jessica Alba's Performance wasn't that Bad.
I've heard a chief complaint about the film was Alba's horrid performance. I really don't think it was that bad. It wasn't very good in a few parts and it seemed forced at times, but on a whole I don't think it was worthy of a Razzy. This isn't so much a GOOD thing as something I disagree with.

Now that's six reasons why the film dosn't suck to the high heavens. Next time, I think I'll return to the usual way of this segment and tell you my opinions of Spider-Man.