Where are me?

Hi, your probably wondering why I haven't posted in a while...no? Well, I'll tell you anyway. This week I am doing work experience at the comic store, so I've been just a little tired and unable to write any posts. I could write them, but I'm also lazy.

So, to make up for it, here's a random picture.

Crowning Moment of Awesome: Big Barda vs. Dragon.

In a recent issue of Booster Gold, Booster has gone back in time to deal with a recently revived Maxwel Lord, the man who helped fund the Justice League for a while, and killed Booster's best friend Ted Kord, the second Blue Beetle. However, his progress in said mission is stinted when he runs into Ted, and can't help but get swept up in a mission so that they can hang out. To help in said mission, the two recruit Mister Miracle and his wife Big Barda (but only on the grounds that only a lunatic would put the worlds fate in Blue and Gold's hands).

After going back further in time, the team are surprised to be attacked by a giant freaking dragon. Blue and Gold do their best not to get toasted or squished, while Miracle tries to figure out a strategy to use the beasts weight against it. Barda however asks, "What's all the fuss about it's just a dragon." Of course she is met from Booster with, "What do you mean it's just a dragon? What, you think you can just walk in and punch it?"

The answer, is yes.

Also, is it true that Barda was killed off recently? What a load of crap. The first time I see her awesomeness, and now she's dead. That's just great. Stupid time travel confusion.

Villain Spot: Teatime.

The main antagonist of Terry Pratchet's Discworld novel (and live action adaption), The Hogfather. Teatime longs to join the Assassin's Guild, but tends to botch his own jobs due to his No Kill Like Overkill attitude. When a mysterious spectre appears and gives the Guild an interesting assignment, Teatime is the only man for the job. The mission? Kill the Discworld variant of Santa Clause (The Hogfather).

Teatime naturally gives off a sense of unsettlement. Perhaps its the way he merilessly slaughters his victims, or the way he talks, or perhaps its that you get the (fully justified) feeling that he is going to kill you the minute you utter his name as 'Tea Time' as ipposed to it's correct pronounciation, 'Teh-A-Time-Eh."

Teatime's plan involves storming the Tooth Fairy's palace with a rag tag bunch of petty criminals, a locksmith, and an ameteur wizard. He then manipulates the very belief of the Hogfather to remove him from existance and allow the Auditors (aforementioned spectre) to do evulz, and for people to create brand new mythical creatures from mere words (God of Hangovers anyone?). It takes the intervention of the Grim Reaper himself, his Grandaughter, and the greatest wizards in the world to stop him, but fortunately Teatime's plan is foiled, Hogswatch and by extension, The Discworld is saved.

In case you haven't got the idea yet, Lord Downey, the leader of the Assassin's Guild, a Guild based around ASSASSINATIONS felt very uncomfortable about him. This man felt very comfortable being approached by what could have been a murderous ghost, yet Teatime is clearly just a bit too much.

He can also do a Double Jump!

In the TV movie, Teatime was played by Marc Warren, heavily channeling Johnny Depp as Willy Wonka. The result, is terrifying.

Buses.

Yesturday I went to the comic store. This month's haul was rather good, and I have branched out slightly, probably allowing for some more reviews. However, I must say that getting there was not as fun.

Why is it that every single time I try to catch a bus, it is never on time? No, scratch that, why don't the goddamn buses show up? Yesturday, I was waiting for a bus that was supposed to arrive at about 9:46, it was around 9:32, so I only had fourteen minutes to wait. Cool.

FORTY MINUTES LATER! I am STILL waiting. Good lord I was pissed. So, I decided I'd walk into town to get to the train, because I knew I'd get there before the damn bus. Then it started to rain. Eventually, I got halfway to town when the bus finally showed up. I was happy to ride the rest of the way, but good lord did I want to murder the driver!

This isn't the first time either, I constantly have to wait whenever I need a bus. But 'Oh!' you say, 'Your a stupid little whiner, everyone has to wait for the bus.' That's true, but I'd at least like for the goddamn signs to not lie to my frickin' face! The bus will be here at 8:20 it says, I've been waiting here since 8:00 and it is currently 8: 45. Even worse, according to the sign it says several buses should have gone by at this point, when I'm starting to wonder if all those times I saw buses were hallucinations and that much like stars in most recent season final of Dr. Who, some cosmic event wiped them from history altogethor.

I have never had a problem with buses until I started having to use them semi regularly. Why do they take such sadistic pleasure in forcing people to wait for as long as possible before finally letting them out of the cold and into their travels, and why is it that the bus stop near my house seemingly has stolen Batman's Shark Repellent and switched it to the Bus setting?

I tell you, if there was a bus Transformer, it would be the gayest, stupidest and lamest Transformer in the entire franchise. It would be so lame that if it were an Autobot, Optimus Prime would switch sides so he could murder him.

I hate buses. I HATE them. I HATE HATE HATE HATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEGODDAMMITHATEBUSES!

I am going so far as to say I am racist towards buses. That's right, people I don't have a problem with, its buses that manage to induce anger in me for being what they are. I am a goddamn bus bigot! F*CK YOU, BUSES!






...Okay, maybe that was a bit harsh.

Awesome Covers: Amazing Spider-Man Spider-Man 632

This cover isn't particulerly well drawn or impressively thought out (better than anything I could do, but that's not saying much). However, it features a concept so odd that you can't help but be intrigued and pick up the book, 'Spider-Man turning into The Lizard.' This is the sort of thing I love about comic books and the sort of cover I love.

As for the storyline inside, we are unfortunately not treated to the Reptilarachnid featured on the cover. Luckily the story is quite well written, features an art style I can finally enjoy, and is surprisingly brutal. 'Ha, how brutal can Spider-Man possibly be?' Well I'll tell you...The Lizard kills Conners son. Pre teen son.
Much like Savage Dragon 160, this is one of few comics to actually get a true emotional reaction from me.

I hate it when children die in any media. It's slightly better if its offscreen and we get a discretion shot, but I'm still not a fan. In this case, we were given the discretion shot, so things aren't too bad. It has also made me genuinely want Spider-Man to beat the shit out of Lizard. Here's hoping the story concludes as such.

The Hilarity of Jon Peters.

There was once a man named Jon Peters who made movies. This man wasn't necessarily bad at his job, but neither was he the best. The world of Superheroes eventually came to the movie makers door, Superman, to be specific. Though many find Superman to be a boring character who has outlived himself, the truth is that he stands beside Batman as the literal king of Comic Books.

Peters would work with Kevin Smith to create the movie. He told Smith to include a scene where Superman fought a giant robot spider, something I personally think would be cool. However, as it turns out, Mr. Peters was not at all good at making a Superman film. He requested that Lex Luther own a space dog which would sell the film to kids, give Brainiac a gay robot sidekick, and have the popular villain fight a pair of Polar Bears. He then decided that he also didn't want Superman to wear a costume, and chose Sean Pean as a suitable actor because he knew he could portray a ruthless killer very well. Oh, and he wasn't allowed to fly.

In other words, Jon Peters should never be allowed to make any more movies. Yet, for some reason they let him work on Superman Returns...that explains a lot.

Now, I have a lot of unhealthy obsessions, but when you try to put a giant spider into every film you ever make, I foresee a problem. He tried to do this with The Sandman.

Sideburns Speculates: Fallout and Watchmen.

Okay, this isn't actually Sideburns speculating at all. This is some Wild Mass Guessing I found on TV Tropes that I felt to be rather interesting:

"It's a reality where Veidt's plan was thwarted/failed/exposed afterwards by Rorschach's journal, and war came. Vault-Tech one of Veidt's competitors/subsidaries, developed the Vault's as backup in case the initial plan failed. All the uber-tech is either courtesy of Veidt, or reverse-engineered by the government from Drieburg's abandoned Owl-Nest- note that he had laser weaponry and (abeit, a faulty prototype of) powered armour, both of which are ubiqitous amongst Fallout's more tech-savvy factions. The mutants, and indeed FEV, are part of a failed attempt to recreate Dr Manhattan, the most successfull, albeit still failed attempt being The Master from Fallout 1. The Mechanist and the Antagoniser are simply a small-scale repeat of the same social abberation/fad that lead to the existence of costumed heroes before the war."

But, why would I post something like that here? I don't post EVERYTHING I think is cool on my blog. Well there was a comment underneath that I think justified the sheer geekiness of the idea.

•"The accumulated rads of all their dirty water and sugar bombs will foam up around their waist and all the mutants and Megaton Settlers will look up and shout 'Save us!' ... and I'll look down and whisper 'Tunnel Snakes Rule.'"