Son of a Bitch: Marvel and DC.

Welcome to a new segment which I call, Son of a Bitch, where I talk abou things that irritate me. Tonights subject are the two warring factions of the comic books world, Marvel and DC. And just because I found them, here are two different establishing pics.

Okay, I buy comics from both sides, but technically prefer Image because it has less hassle when it comes to continuity, and since there is technically no actual Image Universe, Event Comics are not a problem. But the big two suffer from a variety of problems, some of them stem from the very fact that they are the big two. Let's dig in, shall we.

Let's start with Marvel. Once upon a time there was a man. Or shall we say, he resembled a man. He came to Marvel looking for temporary work and left revealing that he wasn't a man, but a god. His name was Stanley Lieber. His name is now Stan Lee. I'd say Stan was a genius, but I wouldn't say he isn't now. He's pretty much retired, so I think we can maybe understand if he hasn't created any mindblowing characters recently. In any case he's responsible for the Marvel Universe and millions of dollars. So, what's annoying about all this? Well, when I think of comics, I like to think of say, Spider-Man fighting someone like The Rhino, or Doc Ock. In recent years, we've had a craze of Event Comics, stories that concern the whole damn universe. These can be cool I suppose, but do we have to change very damn thing we know and love?

Abomination, the Hulk's arch-enemy and probably his oldest actual villain (Ross dosn't count) has recently been killed off by Red Hulk. Now, I'm not stupid, I know it's a comic book, he can come back, but you can't kill someone like that after everyone else has failed hundreds of times. Oh, and you know Tony Stark, Iron Man? Yeah, lives a lush life in charge of Stark Industries while battling villains and alchoholism in a special suit of armour. WRONG He's on the run from the law, and the suit is built into his bone marrow! Now, I haven't read Extremis, nor have I even read Iron Man, but what's stopping me is my lack of familiarity. I have to give you props for trying and heck you don't care what I think, but I would just like to buy a comic without having to buy fifteen more of the same series to understand what's happening.

That brings me to The Gauntlet, Spider-Man's current storyline. Spider-Man deals with the seemingly unrelated returns of his most famous foes, which is secretly the work of the Kraven family. I only have two problems with this one. First of all, I don't know what's happening with Peter's actual life, which extends to the fact that J. Jonah Jameson is now the Mayor. I bought an issue of Young Avengers only a few years ago, and JJ was still in charge of the Bugle. So I'm being told that Within those few years he's left teh bugle and become Mayor. Not exactly a bad thing, but honestly, I think he's been at the job too long for it to change now. But again, I haven't read that much so I don't actually know how entertaining the story of this is, and what I have read included him mourning the destruction of the Bugle building. I admit I felt for him.
My second complaint is that it's a weekly series now. I want to buy it, but for everytime I visit, there's like six new issues out. That is frustrating! Especially because it's a weekly series, we get a different bunch of people working on it, which isn't exactly bad, but what I like about buying a single series is that sense of familiarity in how everything looks. Here however, I feel like I'm buying different Spider-Man one-shots.

Now onto DC. DC's storyline has gone to hell. STOP REVAMPING YOUR CONTINUITY. 52, Countdown, the whole thing is confusing. Is this the same Batman series that Bob Kane created, or is this a near-identical alternate universe. YOU DON'T MAKE SENSE! And also...actually, I can't think of anything else. I know there's things that annoy me, I just can't remember...weird. Oh well.

Now something about you, ordinary people. Because my friends know me as the guy to ask Comic Book and Sci-Fi info from, I occasionally get questions like, 'Why wasn't Spider-Man in Justice League.' What? Are you dense? Are you retarded? IT'S THE GODDAMM DC UNIVERSE! Even stupid people realise that they are two different worlds. We have cartoons, we have Smallville, we have movies, do you need any more sources of information on which to learn the obvious!

Okay, now I am done, thanks for listening.

Also, while I would definatley see a Hulk vs. Iron Man film, or a downright Avengers film, I am somewhat annoyed that Thor will be involved. That means that Tony Stark exists in the same world as the Norse gods. Prepare for wall banging.